so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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