she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
