cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Enjoy the penises
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
