Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
