My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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