So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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