Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
