I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
