well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
