hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
