I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
