420 ftw
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
