That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize