Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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