Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize