I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
