I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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