I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
