Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
