D3 body, D1 cock
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
