Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
