I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
