Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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