I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize