I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
