I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize