I looked at my own cervix.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is Oprah even human
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
