you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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