You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
