So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
