I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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