I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
