Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
