I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I need moral support for this bender
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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