I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
