I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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