i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
