i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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