You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
