first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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