I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
