Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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