**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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