So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize