I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
