You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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