he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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