he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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