I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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