I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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