sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
