Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
