Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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