I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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