Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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