i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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