yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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