my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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