So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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