Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize