Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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