He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
