what day is it and did you see me today?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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