There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
