I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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