I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
