somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
