her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
