So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
