I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
