Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
