just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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