So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
