Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
