I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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