GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize