I wish I could teleport
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize