I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
