she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
