every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
