then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize