apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
