Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
