last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
