That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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