ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
