honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
