I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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