That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
