Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
