Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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