Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
