She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize