Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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