remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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