We just shotgunned beers for America
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
