I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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