I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
