We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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